Wednesday
coming to a tough realization.
question: when are you ready to let go? [think about it]
simple pleasure: steaming hot tears.
question: when are you ready to let go? [think about it]
simple pleasure: steaming hot tears.
i'm sitting here in my living room, sweating.
it's so unbelieveably hot, but i really feel no desire to fix it.
i could turn on the a/c, or change clothing, or just sit here and say, "yup. it's hot."
i'm so blah, so plain out, incredibly obviously, completely unhappy.
whatever.
i really don't care right now. my best friends are gone, and i'm in wisconsin. i want to crawl up and be alone now. i've done everything i can do.
it's so unbelieveably hot, but i really feel no desire to fix it.
i could turn on the a/c, or change clothing, or just sit here and say, "yup. it's hot."
i'm so blah, so plain out, incredibly obviously, completely unhappy.
whatever.
i really don't care right now. my best friends are gone, and i'm in wisconsin. i want to crawl up and be alone now. i've done everything i can do.
Tuesday
[shrug]
fixed up my room today. touched up the paint. didn't know what to do with my dresser, so i decided to put it in the closet. Well, it didn't fit in the opening, so I had to take off the closet doors. See, it was really close then. Still no avail though. So, tipped it on end, with the doors off, and it went in [overjoyed]
so all i have in my room is my bed. My arrest-me red bunk bed.
still haven't decided what i'm going to do with my bay window, cause it definitely deseres something really sepcial. I love that window.
Um... yeah. Life is productive again.
Question: Why do we love to hate? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Not getting caught
fixed up my room today. touched up the paint. didn't know what to do with my dresser, so i decided to put it in the closet. Well, it didn't fit in the opening, so I had to take off the closet doors. See, it was really close then. Still no avail though. So, tipped it on end, with the doors off, and it went in [overjoyed]
so all i have in my room is my bed. My arrest-me red bunk bed.
still haven't decided what i'm going to do with my bay window, cause it definitely deseres something really sepcial. I love that window.
Um... yeah. Life is productive again.
Question: Why do we love to hate? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Not getting caught
Sunday
Wow. All of a sudden, it's sunday night. where has the time gone?
6 hours in a car for a 2 hour party.
hour and a half in church
hour potting plants [with lynn]
3 hours painting/taping
I've done so much, but I still feel completely unfulfilled.
6 hours in a car for a 2 hour party.
hour and a half in church
hour potting plants [with lynn]
3 hours painting/taping
I've done so much, but I still feel completely unfulfilled.
Thursday
[just realized exactly how much she wrote]
I've been neglecting my blog lately, and for that I apologize. I've been so caught up with doing nothing that I forgot I sparsely had something to do. [shrug] that happens.
I've been watching vh1 pretty much constantly, and I realized after about an hour that they play each song about once every half hour.
ex: "heaven" - los lonely boys
"roses" - outkast
"the reason" - hoobastank
"ch-check it out" - beastie boys
"burn" - usher
"naughty girl" - beyonce
"let's get it started" - black eyed peas [actually okay the first time]
"meant to live" - switchfoot.
I've been watching for a good 45 minutes, and those are basically the only songs i've heard all morning.
I don't know quite why i'm watching/listening anyhow. none of those songs really appeal to me. whatever
I've been writing a lot more. But, I officially gave up on the novel I was working on. I got on the 24th page, and got so frustrated that, in a lapse of irrationality, i deleted the whole thing with a file shredder. So, I have a fresh beginning. I suppose. That, and I posted a few new poems on AP. For those of you who know my username, don't read those poems. They're awful. I just felt like I had to do at something at least moderately productive.
Well, on the upside, my typing has increased drastically in speed. Ha, that'll happen when you're constantly online. My heart goes out to Abby in her time of trial. Three whole days without computer right before she leaves for Jersey on Saturday. It'll be rough. So, since Abby and Amanda will be gone next week, I think I'll hang around at my dad's house for a few days after the weekend is over. I have a few things I need to take care of over on that side of the world, so it'll be a nice catch up. Maybe I'll have them leave Dani home one day so we can hang out. I miss that kid when I'm over here, and apparently she misses me, too. She drew me a picture :) It's adorable. [btw, she's only 3 1/2 yrs. old] I'm going to frame it and put it on my wall at home, because she's such a sweetie. That, and when I drew a picture for her, she framed it and put it by her bed. It's odd to have someone look up to me so much... I'm just a fourteen year old girl who looks up to people herself yet. I always wonder if i'm doing the right things, and if she'll be anything like me when she grows up. I hope so :) She's just an awesome little girl, and I know she's going to grow up and make something great out of her life. She has this little fire in her eyes that tells you that she knows she's going to be fabulous. I'm really proud of her :)
I'm gonna paint my room this weekend, and go to a bridal shower for my cousin. It's really weird to think that she's so far into her life, and it seems like just yesterday she was cheerleading in highschool. shows you just how fast time goes. It doesn't help that she's marrying a guy named stacie. [he goes by his middle name, joey] haha, not after our family found out. now he's a full fledged female country singer, stacie joe. we're proud to add him to our plethora of mismatched family members. He's just low in rank as of now :)
I've wasted enough of your time, but it's your fault for deciding to read it. so, farewell.
question: where do you see yourself in five years? [think about it]
simple pleasure: enjoying the scenery
I've been watching vh1 pretty much constantly, and I realized after about an hour that they play each song about once every half hour.
ex: "heaven" - los lonely boys
"roses" - outkast
"the reason" - hoobastank
"ch-check it out" - beastie boys
"burn" - usher
"naughty girl" - beyonce
"let's get it started" - black eyed peas [actually okay the first time]
"meant to live" - switchfoot.
I've been watching for a good 45 minutes, and those are basically the only songs i've heard all morning.
I don't know quite why i'm watching/listening anyhow. none of those songs really appeal to me. whatever
I've been writing a lot more. But, I officially gave up on the novel I was working on. I got on the 24th page, and got so frustrated that, in a lapse of irrationality, i deleted the whole thing with a file shredder. So, I have a fresh beginning. I suppose. That, and I posted a few new poems on AP. For those of you who know my username, don't read those poems. They're awful. I just felt like I had to do at something at least moderately productive.
Well, on the upside, my typing has increased drastically in speed. Ha, that'll happen when you're constantly online. My heart goes out to Abby in her time of trial. Three whole days without computer right before she leaves for Jersey on Saturday. It'll be rough. So, since Abby and Amanda will be gone next week, I think I'll hang around at my dad's house for a few days after the weekend is over. I have a few things I need to take care of over on that side of the world, so it'll be a nice catch up. Maybe I'll have them leave Dani home one day so we can hang out. I miss that kid when I'm over here, and apparently she misses me, too. She drew me a picture :) It's adorable. [btw, she's only 3 1/2 yrs. old] I'm going to frame it and put it on my wall at home, because she's such a sweetie. That, and when I drew a picture for her, she framed it and put it by her bed. It's odd to have someone look up to me so much... I'm just a fourteen year old girl who looks up to people herself yet. I always wonder if i'm doing the right things, and if she'll be anything like me when she grows up. I hope so :) She's just an awesome little girl, and I know she's going to grow up and make something great out of her life. She has this little fire in her eyes that tells you that she knows she's going to be fabulous. I'm really proud of her :)
I'm gonna paint my room this weekend, and go to a bridal shower for my cousin. It's really weird to think that she's so far into her life, and it seems like just yesterday she was cheerleading in highschool. shows you just how fast time goes. It doesn't help that she's marrying a guy named stacie. [he goes by his middle name, joey] haha, not after our family found out. now he's a full fledged female country singer, stacie joe. we're proud to add him to our plethora of mismatched family members. He's just low in rank as of now :)
I've wasted enough of your time, but it's your fault for deciding to read it. so, farewell.
question: where do you see yourself in five years? [think about it]
simple pleasure: enjoying the scenery
Okay, I figured out why the picture is showing only selectively. Deviantart is down for restructuring and stuff, so the host link isn't working effectively. Hopefully tomorrow, they'll go back up and I can post some more stuff.
sweeeeet
sweeeeet
Wednesday
That's a photo of the Stillwater bridge that I took off of a pontoon boat :)
I decided that it looked really washed out, so I did an aging wash with my photo editor. I feel so.. dirty. But still, since it's posted using a computer, I suppose I can manipulate it a little bit.
[btw, if it doesn't show up, right click where it should be and select {show picture}]
I decided that it looked really washed out, so I did an aging wash with my photo editor. I feel so.. dirty. But still, since it's posted using a computer, I suppose I can manipulate it a little bit.
[btw, if it doesn't show up, right click where it should be and select {show picture}]
Tuesday
Bitch.
I hate aim. it's evil, it's caniving, and it just won't work. well, it did once... but on awful timing. whoops.
i never want to end up like my mom is. i love her, and she's a fine person, but i don't want to live the way she does. She will do anything for someone to approver of her, always with an obviously fake smile on her face. I haven't seen her smile honestly for the longest time. She just wants to be accepted, and that's understandable. She was a very neglected child by her peers and she grew up sheltered. But I don't want to live that way. Not with a fake laugh, and a facade to make people love me for something i'm not.
does not tickle my fancy.
question: do you love me for me? [think about it]
simple pleasure: cold mt dew in a wine glass with your best friend [as she burps. [i give it a two]]
I hate aim. it's evil, it's caniving, and it just won't work. well, it did once... but on awful timing. whoops.
i never want to end up like my mom is. i love her, and she's a fine person, but i don't want to live the way she does. She will do anything for someone to approver of her, always with an obviously fake smile on her face. I haven't seen her smile honestly for the longest time. She just wants to be accepted, and that's understandable. She was a very neglected child by her peers and she grew up sheltered. But I don't want to live that way. Not with a fake laugh, and a facade to make people love me for something i'm not.
does not tickle my fancy.
question: do you love me for me? [think about it]
simple pleasure: cold mt dew in a wine glass with your best friend [as she burps. [i give it a two]]
Monday
I think blogs have a lifetime expectancy.
Lately, everyone has had a severe lack of things to post, low motivation, or something surrounding the publicity of the internet. It seems like everyone has their own blog downfalls, and a lot of them are hitting withing these few weeks. I'm sure there's a reasonable answer as to why, but I'm not seeing it.
I'm just glad that my blog and i kissed and made up. He's one of my best friends. After all, I've been writing in it for... 8 months? Yeah, since November ninth. One hundred and fourty some odd posts. [love to the blog]
Hopefully all of you in times of crisis will resolve your issues so no one has to get hurt. Blogs have feelings, too.
:)
Question: Why are all the human/blog relationships failing? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Cheez-Whiz.
Lately, everyone has had a severe lack of things to post, low motivation, or something surrounding the publicity of the internet. It seems like everyone has their own blog downfalls, and a lot of them are hitting withing these few weeks. I'm sure there's a reasonable answer as to why, but I'm not seeing it.
I'm just glad that my blog and i kissed and made up. He's one of my best friends. After all, I've been writing in it for... 8 months? Yeah, since November ninth. One hundred and fourty some odd posts. [love to the blog]
Hopefully all of you in times of crisis will resolve your issues so no one has to get hurt. Blogs have feelings, too.
:)
Question: Why are all the human/blog relationships failing? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Cheez-Whiz.
Sunday
When I get a chance to develop my negatives and make some prints, i'll scan a photo of mine in here to make it a little more festive. I just don't have the time right now, me and my busy self! :-p
I made a checklist of 30 more things to do before the summer's end, and so far I'm 3/30. Good progress for just one day though, eh?
so what if I took all the easy ones [shrug]
Going on 24 hours of no sleep isn't exactly a blast, but I'm determined as all hell to turn myself back around. I think I've got the willpower. Believe in me? Sure hope so.
My house is so overly clean and tidy that I feel like I shouldn't touch anything, or make my room messy and well, mine again.
I have nothing of importance to say, yet then again, what do I say that is important? [food for thought]
I made a checklist of 30 more things to do before the summer's end, and so far I'm 3/30. Good progress for just one day though, eh?
so what if I took all the easy ones [shrug]
Going on 24 hours of no sleep isn't exactly a blast, but I'm determined as all hell to turn myself back around. I think I've got the willpower. Believe in me? Sure hope so.
My house is so overly clean and tidy that I feel like I shouldn't touch anything, or make my room messy and well, mine again.
I have nothing of importance to say, yet then again, what do I say that is important? [food for thought]
Saturday
Yeah, I was right. I drank Mt. Dew, ate chips, and fell asleep on the couch.
"you're slowly taking a 180"
I feel accomplished :) I woke up at 5 today!! [pm] but no big deal, right?
meh
"you're slowly taking a 180"
I feel accomplished :) I woke up at 5 today!! [pm] but no big deal, right?
meh
With the 9/11 commission going down in flames alongside the national defense, the War in Iraq looking grim, Bush being, well, delightfully himself, and Michael Moore's upcoming film Fahrenheit 9/11 coming out on June 25th, Republicans are in for a beating.
That is, if any of them decide to expose themselves to the possibilities.
If you love me, you'll go see it. If not with me, then go and take a friend.
[Thanks to Abby for the exposure]
That is, if any of them decide to expose themselves to the possibilities.
If you love me, you'll go see it. If not with me, then go and take a friend.
[Thanks to Abby for the exposure]
It's a beautiful day out, but why do I have the feeling I'll be spending it indoors?
I stayed up all last night sketching, framing, cleaning, organizing, and thinking of all the ways I've been wasting my time. I've really got to do something about that, yet I really don't have the motivation at this point in time.
[shrug]
Question: Who do you think you are? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Finding money in your coat pocket,
I stayed up all last night sketching, framing, cleaning, organizing, and thinking of all the ways I've been wasting my time. I've really got to do something about that, yet I really don't have the motivation at this point in time.
[shrug]
Question: Who do you think you are? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Finding money in your coat pocket,
Friday
Our president is so well spoken, I'm just awestruck.
Today, President Bush spoke at Fort Lewis, commending all the soldiers. He told them how grateful the nation is for them, and how much better off Iraq is from our forced democracy. Somehow, he managed to work in: "By the way, that's the fella[...]"
Also, he stumbled over pronouncing an Iraqi extremist's name. You've got to wonder how he can practice these speeches and still come out having difficulty. I mean, does he just skip it and feign confidence?
Meh.
I'm getting my violin. :D [ha, amanda] I can't hardly wait for it to get here. It's all paid for, and now I have to [patiently] await it's arrival. I feel like I could burst.
Paul Johnson was beheaded this morning, as the Saudi's promised. But, as is our country's policy, "we don't negotiate with terrorists." What an awful way to go. You are dying in severe vain, and within the hour it is all over the internet at everyone's disposal. And, at ten o'clock tonight, it will be all over the news. The resounding noise of a family member lost. My heart goes out to his family.
[The headline reads: American Beheaded. Family in shock.]
Question: Why do the innocent die? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Being involved.
Today, President Bush spoke at Fort Lewis, commending all the soldiers. He told them how grateful the nation is for them, and how much better off Iraq is from our forced democracy. Somehow, he managed to work in: "By the way, that's the fella[...]"
Also, he stumbled over pronouncing an Iraqi extremist's name. You've got to wonder how he can practice these speeches and still come out having difficulty. I mean, does he just skip it and feign confidence?
Meh.
I'm getting my violin. :D [ha, amanda] I can't hardly wait for it to get here. It's all paid for, and now I have to [patiently] await it's arrival. I feel like I could burst.
Paul Johnson was beheaded this morning, as the Saudi's promised. But, as is our country's policy, "we don't negotiate with terrorists." What an awful way to go. You are dying in severe vain, and within the hour it is all over the internet at everyone's disposal. And, at ten o'clock tonight, it will be all over the news. The resounding noise of a family member lost. My heart goes out to his family.
[The headline reads: American Beheaded. Family in shock.]
Question: Why do the innocent die? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Being involved.
Thursday
I'm not a light sleeper.
Abby and I figured that maybe we just wouldn't sleep tonight, because we had gallons of Mt. Dew coursing through us and were excited to see danny play today. Well, that didn't happen. We came downstairs at say, 7 and decided to "rest our eyes".
10 hours later we woke up.
Damn, I really wanted to hear him play guitar, and maybe be able to play his violin.
Speaking of which, he rekindled the passion I have for the instrument. Ever since my mom sold my violins, I've wanted so badly to just pick one up and play. Not for my instructor. Not for my conductor. I just want to play and play for my own satisfaction. I have some connection with the violin, yet when I pick one up, it won't be the same. It's been over a year since I played, and it shames me to say so. But last night, hearing him speaking of his violin, and the books he played from made me get the biggest craving to play that I have ever had in my life.
And, I've saved up enough of my money to buy a violin now :) Not the nicest one, and not a new one, but I'll be able to play.
Question: Why is the English language so open to misinterpretation? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: A hot dog at 6 am
Abby and I figured that maybe we just wouldn't sleep tonight, because we had gallons of Mt. Dew coursing through us and were excited to see danny play today. Well, that didn't happen. We came downstairs at say, 7 and decided to "rest our eyes".
10 hours later we woke up.
Damn, I really wanted to hear him play guitar, and maybe be able to play his violin.
Speaking of which, he rekindled the passion I have for the instrument. Ever since my mom sold my violins, I've wanted so badly to just pick one up and play. Not for my instructor. Not for my conductor. I just want to play and play for my own satisfaction. I have some connection with the violin, yet when I pick one up, it won't be the same. It's been over a year since I played, and it shames me to say so. But last night, hearing him speaking of his violin, and the books he played from made me get the biggest craving to play that I have ever had in my life.
And, I've saved up enough of my money to buy a violin now :) Not the nicest one, and not a new one, but I'll be able to play.
Question: Why is the English language so open to misinterpretation? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: A hot dog at 6 am
Wednesday
Well, my blatently public blogs is public again!
Hope all of you are satisfied with yourselves. But, if everything was okay for such a long time, then I suppose I'll just let you all read what I have to say. Whatever.
Enjoy yourselves.
For now, I really have nothing to say. We [abby and i] are listening to nirvana. formerly n*sync and eminem. Ah memories.
Question: Why does everyone have to have secrets? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Knowing all the lyrics to a song you haven't heard for years.
Hope all of you are satisfied with yourselves. But, if everything was okay for such a long time, then I suppose I'll just let you all read what I have to say. Whatever.
Enjoy yourselves.
For now, I really have nothing to say. We [abby and i] are listening to nirvana. formerly n*sync and eminem. Ah memories.
Question: Why does everyone have to have secrets? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Knowing all the lyrics to a song you haven't heard for years.
Tuesday
Mkay. Apparently, he got over whatever made him hang up on me twice last night. [shrug] guys are weird like that and either hide emotion or just plain ignore it. I can deal with that though.
Amanda is still gone. :( I keep waking up with the phone ringing and expecting it to be her voice, yet it never is.
I sit in my room at night wanting a late night phone call, yet she never answers.
I turn on aim, expecting a welcoming "hey babe", but never get one.
I can't wait this long for her to come back.
Is it sad that I already sent her two letters, and I still have a thousand things I need to tell her?
I don't care :) I love her
Well, went Uptown today, with Sean, Jenna, and Kyle. We went almost the whole time without sucummbing to caffeine cravings. What can I say? I'm an addict and damn proud of it.
Got a skirt for $4. Pimped it out. Love it.
Question: Why do we never appreciate the little things? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Finding a new song you love
Amanda is still gone. :( I keep waking up with the phone ringing and expecting it to be her voice, yet it never is.
I sit in my room at night wanting a late night phone call, yet she never answers.
I turn on aim, expecting a welcoming "hey babe", but never get one.
I can't wait this long for her to come back.
Is it sad that I already sent her two letters, and I still have a thousand things I need to tell her?
I don't care :) I love her
Well, went Uptown today, with Sean, Jenna, and Kyle. We went almost the whole time without sucummbing to caffeine cravings. What can I say? I'm an addict and damn proud of it.
Got a skirt for $4. Pimped it out. Love it.
Question: Why do we never appreciate the little things? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Finding a new song you love
k, so sean is mad at me.
haven't heard back from amanda
me and abby are back to good
i have no other friends :-p
SO! I'm gonna go shopping Uptown today. With Jenna, Kyle and Sean. Let's just say this should be interesting. I have a goal for myself though. I'm going to get clothes for the whole summer and the beginning of next school year tomorrow. [i hate shopping with my mom] AND I'm gonna do it in under $100. Ha. Some of you sons of bitches pay more than that for one lousy pair of jeans.
it's amazing what ragstock will do.
i wish abby could come, too. but she's chillin with her grandma. hope she has fun. hope amanda is having fun in texas, but from the sound of it it's not such smooth sailing. i wish her luck and send her my love.
i have no regrets.
question: what do you think of me? [think about it]
simple pleasure: liberation
haven't heard back from amanda
me and abby are back to good
i have no other friends :-p
SO! I'm gonna go shopping Uptown today. With Jenna, Kyle and Sean. Let's just say this should be interesting. I have a goal for myself though. I'm going to get clothes for the whole summer and the beginning of next school year tomorrow. [i hate shopping with my mom] AND I'm gonna do it in under $100. Ha. Some of you sons of bitches pay more than that for one lousy pair of jeans.
it's amazing what ragstock will do.
i wish abby could come, too. but she's chillin with her grandma. hope she has fun. hope amanda is having fun in texas, but from the sound of it it's not such smooth sailing. i wish her luck and send her my love.
i have no regrets.
question: what do you think of me? [think about it]
simple pleasure: liberation
Monday
seems like i'm getting more shit for making this private than i have in the whole, seven and a half months i've had it public.
funny, isn't it?
kind of a kick in the ass actually.
jenna and i built a kickass blanket fort in the basement. sean watched. it features three rooms, two computers, two music sources, two phone lines, and a tv. i'm quite content. well, i take that back. i miss amanda. and abby. :(
i'm getting really involved in the church activities again this summer:) although i don't agree with the content or belief of the church itself, i love being involved with the activities. like sports night, and vbs. you just, bond with the little kids, chill with the kids your age, [angie, sam, and corey] it's so refreshing to meet and befriend new people over the summer of being alone. i'm gonna be the coolest kid ever.
well, that's all i got.
Question: Why is nothing as it seems? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: finding that what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger
funny, isn't it?
kind of a kick in the ass actually.
jenna and i built a kickass blanket fort in the basement. sean watched. it features three rooms, two computers, two music sources, two phone lines, and a tv. i'm quite content. well, i take that back. i miss amanda. and abby. :(
i'm getting really involved in the church activities again this summer:) although i don't agree with the content or belief of the church itself, i love being involved with the activities. like sports night, and vbs. you just, bond with the little kids, chill with the kids your age, [angie, sam, and corey] it's so refreshing to meet and befriend new people over the summer of being alone. i'm gonna be the coolest kid ever.
well, that's all i got.
Question: Why is nothing as it seems? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: finding that what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger
Sunday
I have nothing of importance to say. I feel blah.
Nothing is wrong, but I'm just so energized and so useless that I feel like I could melt.
[fizzles up]
whatever.
done here.
Nothing is wrong, but I'm just so energized and so useless that I feel like I could melt.
[fizzles up]
whatever.
done here.
My dad is awesome. He lets me light candles in my room [you're gonna burn the house down!!] here i can light incense [you're gonna kill john!!] Granted, I have a bedtime. I can understand that at least. Oh, and tomorrow, I'm redecorating my room. Mod/Contemp/Chic. Very minimalistic. I'm finally getting rid of a ll the things that aren't mine, aren't me,, or are left behind and piled up from the seven year old me.
Very liberating.
Happy bout it. Cept Amanda is gone. Not even IM'able. Only e-mail and snail mail. Is it odd that I miss her already, despite the fact I saw her just yesterday? Probably just that I know she's gone.
One down, two left. But, as of July 5th, I'm flying solo. Reminds me of... all last summer. Man, my angsty stage was a riot. I've matured and preserved, though. I can see the reain coming and smile through it, rather than brewing up a storm.
Hot damn I like analogies.
"What's funnier than a dead baby in a clown suit?"
Nothin. ;)
Question: Why are parents so right in retrospect sometimes? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Finding a friend.
Very liberating.
Happy bout it. Cept Amanda is gone. Not even IM'able. Only e-mail and snail mail. Is it odd that I miss her already, despite the fact I saw her just yesterday? Probably just that I know she's gone.
One down, two left. But, as of July 5th, I'm flying solo. Reminds me of... all last summer. Man, my angsty stage was a riot. I've matured and preserved, though. I can see the reain coming and smile through it, rather than brewing up a storm.
Hot damn I like analogies.
"What's funnier than a dead baby in a clown suit?"
Nothin. ;)
Question: Why are parents so right in retrospect sometimes? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Finding a friend.
Friday
Family dinners can be incredibly awkward. Yet, it's nice to catch up. Regaling stories of horse incidents, broken bones, and boozing downtown.
Welcome to the Robson household. Wisconsin style.
Grandma is feeling better, which makes me considerably happier. And, as I speak of her, the rain lets up and the sun starts to hint at its arrival.
I want to lie in the slick, vibrant grass. I feel like I could blend in and let everything just pass me by. I think I will. :) With summer comes the freedom of choice.
Pure bliss.
This doesn't even seem like my party at all. It's really nice to just see my family
Wrote a short story. Hated the story. Ripped it to shreds.
[sizzles up]
Wish I were home.
Question: Who do you love [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Proving a point.
to yourself
Welcome to the Robson household. Wisconsin style.
Grandma is feeling better, which makes me considerably happier. And, as I speak of her, the rain lets up and the sun starts to hint at its arrival.
I want to lie in the slick, vibrant grass. I feel like I could blend in and let everything just pass me by. I think I will. :) With summer comes the freedom of choice.
Pure bliss.
This doesn't even seem like my party at all. It's really nice to just see my family
Wrote a short story. Hated the story. Ripped it to shreds.
[sizzles up]
Wish I were home.
Question: Who do you love [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Proving a point.
to yourself
Flooded with nostalgic music, surrounded by all the things i love, and a foreboding feeling. very weird concoction. But, it feels like evertying is going so well that something has to go wrong. [shrug] can't do anything about it till it happpens, so i'm not going to worry over the possibly inevitable. if that makes sense...
an airplane just flew really low above my head. ever since i was like, 7 whenever i see/hear a plane, i wonder where it's going, where it's been, and try to imagine actual people inside.
simultaneously.
well, i've got my hopes for the summer all put down in a neat little list that looks nice on paper. so far, i'm 0 for 6. I hold faith though. I've got more time than i know what to do with.
Question: In the grand scheme of things, how insignificant are you as an individual? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Mind-expanding games. [push your limits of what you knew existed]
an airplane just flew really low above my head. ever since i was like, 7 whenever i see/hear a plane, i wonder where it's going, where it's been, and try to imagine actual people inside.
simultaneously.
well, i've got my hopes for the summer all put down in a neat little list that looks nice on paper. so far, i'm 0 for 6. I hold faith though. I've got more time than i know what to do with.
Question: In the grand scheme of things, how insignificant are you as an individual? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Mind-expanding games. [push your limits of what you knew existed]
Thursday
[note] this was written earlier today, but lack of computer delayed posting]
Just chillin over at Abby's house. everything is so different here. It's so calm. I feel like every little noise I make that breaks the deafening silence, every pen scratch on my paper is soiling the serenity of the whole experience. Yet, I can't resist the urge to blog.
My summer came to a realization; my friends are going away on their own adventures. I'll be sitting here in Minnesota twiddling my thumbs.
........ that or conquering the world.
Amanda will be in Texas
Abby in Wisconsin
Sean is hiking Isle Royale.
All I can say is, my imagination is definitely going to have to carry me through this one. I can do it, though. I'm not completely dependent.
[just now realized it's odd i'm not tired]
i woke up at nine o'clock this morning.
...... my mind is blown to shreds.
Question: If you had to choose one person and one item to live the rest of your life with/by, who and what would you pick? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Being awake to see the sunrise
Just chillin over at Abby's house. everything is so different here. It's so calm. I feel like every little noise I make that breaks the deafening silence, every pen scratch on my paper is soiling the serenity of the whole experience. Yet, I can't resist the urge to blog.
My summer came to a realization; my friends are going away on their own adventures. I'll be sitting here in Minnesota twiddling my thumbs.
........ that or conquering the world.
Amanda will be in Texas
Abby in Wisconsin
Sean is hiking Isle Royale.
All I can say is, my imagination is definitely going to have to carry me through this one. I can do it, though. I'm not completely dependent.
[just now realized it's odd i'm not tired]
i woke up at nine o'clock this morning.
...... my mind is blown to shreds.
Question: If you had to choose one person and one item to live the rest of your life with/by, who and what would you pick? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Being awake to see the sunrise
Wednesday
[7h1nk5 488y 15n'7 3v3r w4k1n9]
*dies*
*dies*
Summer has declined severely.
That's a good thing though, right? I mean, I all the excitement, but there's something to be said for introspective time, too. I know myself better than I ever have. The past... two years(?) was just experimenting with my personality. And [great timing] in the last two weeks of school, I settled into myself. Yet, I still don't know exactly what it is I am. But I like not having a label. Then, I'm just purely me.
Hoping all my friends are still alive. Haven't seen you guys for awhile, so hope you're enjoying yourselfves in whatever it is you're doing.
Amanda leaves in... three days. Scary thought. I'm gonna miss that girl like mad.
It's storming, but in a way I haven't seen in a long time. It's storming gently. There's lightning, but it's thundering softly. It's raining, but not angrily. Just calm downfall. Still completely smells like a storm, though. Hopefully, it'll cool down tomorrow.
And, as of June 8th, 11 P.M., I mourn the death of my beloved plaid pajamas. A bike chain wounded them, leaving them vulnerable. Well, they will always be in my heart.
and on my wrist
and that pillow on my bed.
Rest in peace little guy.
I've said enough to satisfy myself.
Question: What material item are you most attached to? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Nostalgic music. [:) Damn I feel old]
That's a good thing though, right? I mean, I all the excitement, but there's something to be said for introspective time, too. I know myself better than I ever have. The past... two years(?) was just experimenting with my personality. And [great timing] in the last two weeks of school, I settled into myself. Yet, I still don't know exactly what it is I am. But I like not having a label. Then, I'm just purely me.
Hoping all my friends are still alive. Haven't seen you guys for awhile, so hope you're enjoying yourselfves in whatever it is you're doing.
Amanda leaves in... three days. Scary thought. I'm gonna miss that girl like mad.
It's storming, but in a way I haven't seen in a long time. It's storming gently. There's lightning, but it's thundering softly. It's raining, but not angrily. Just calm downfall. Still completely smells like a storm, though. Hopefully, it'll cool down tomorrow.
And, as of June 8th, 11 P.M., I mourn the death of my beloved plaid pajamas. A bike chain wounded them, leaving them vulnerable. Well, they will always be in my heart.
and on my wrist
and that pillow on my bed.
Rest in peace little guy.
I've said enough to satisfy myself.
Question: What material item are you most attached to? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Nostalgic music. [:) Damn I feel old]
Tuesday
I grew half an inch recently. wootzorz.
and i threw sean under the bus and i'm making him have dinner [delivery pizza] with my mom. ultimate punishment in the highest degree. especially if she makes him talk about family and his past
:)
i have fun with what i do and i do it damn well. he just didn't notice til it was too late and he was already standing in my front doorway staring death in the face. Well, now the only thing saving him from my mom's full force is gone at work. Is he terrified? He should be. He is. [says he]
I don't know exactly what i'm doing, but torturing sean with toby keith is hella fun.
amanda is gone, i'm not sure where. i called and left a message. but i've lost my amanda... if found, please call me.
[throw up your rock fist]
question: who first invented stereotypes? [think about it]
simple pleasure: a stupid, sarcastic gesture to make you smile.
and i threw sean under the bus and i'm making him have dinner [delivery pizza] with my mom. ultimate punishment in the highest degree. especially if she makes him talk about family and his past
:)
i have fun with what i do and i do it damn well. he just didn't notice til it was too late and he was already standing in my front doorway staring death in the face. Well, now the only thing saving him from my mom's full force is gone at work. Is he terrified? He should be. He is. [says he]
I don't know exactly what i'm doing, but torturing sean with toby keith is hella fun.
amanda is gone, i'm not sure where. i called and left a message. but i've lost my amanda... if found, please call me.
[throw up your rock fist]
question: who first invented stereotypes? [think about it]
simple pleasure: a stupid, sarcastic gesture to make you smile.
Laying in bed, not being tired, at 2:30 in the morning. Serene yet incredibly awkward. But Abby makes me smile with her old music, and her old woman heart. Well that, and the way she smells like cheese. ;-) I haven't been blogging very insightful lately, yet I have been thinking more in depth than I have in a long time. I suppose summer and my friends bring that out in me. Well that, and geting more than 5 hours of sleep.
I feel very emo, but I'm not. You see, Abby gave me a watch band [which she thought was a bracelet], so now I have emo stars. But they're only representative of something... not emo.
It's odd. My room has so much on the walls, yet it still seems somewhat empty. I keep adding little things here and there, but nothing really makes a difference. We shall see.
Here in lies Abby's insight into Paige's blog:
When you think more about your own thoughts it causes you to examine yourself. Whether you realize it or not, when you think about thought itself you are delving deep into one of the biggest paradoxes there is. If you ever want to get lost in thought, think about thought itself. Whether this is repetitive of something previously posted in here or not, it is my thought at the moment. How many times do you think I've said the word thought or a variation of it in this paragraph? (If you're counting right now, I feel sad for you.)
I feel very... blank. I am so calm that I could just lie here forever and think the thoughts that come into my head.. and just... let them go. I could listen to my music and think about what it is, and what it means, and then just... exist.
Question of the day: Where do you feel most at home? [think about it]
Simple pleasure: The sound of a bullfrog
I feel very emo, but I'm not. You see, Abby gave me a watch band [which she thought was a bracelet], so now I have emo stars. But they're only representative of something... not emo.
It's odd. My room has so much on the walls, yet it still seems somewhat empty. I keep adding little things here and there, but nothing really makes a difference. We shall see.
Here in lies Abby's insight into Paige's blog:
When you think more about your own thoughts it causes you to examine yourself. Whether you realize it or not, when you think about thought itself you are delving deep into one of the biggest paradoxes there is. If you ever want to get lost in thought, think about thought itself. Whether this is repetitive of something previously posted in here or not, it is my thought at the moment. How many times do you think I've said the word thought or a variation of it in this paragraph? (If you're counting right now, I feel sad for you.)
I feel very... blank. I am so calm that I could just lie here forever and think the thoughts that come into my head.. and just... let them go. I could listen to my music and think about what it is, and what it means, and then just... exist.
Question of the day: Where do you feel most at home? [think about it]
Simple pleasure: The sound of a bullfrog
Monday
Weirdest day of the summer. Things have just been relatively calm, and now I'm "babysitting". They're just sitting and playing nintendo 64 on the floor and arguing. Every now and then I just have to break it up. Oh yeah, and make macaroni. This is really hard.
Abby and Adam were here earlier. Oh, and I finally got speakers on my computer. and my iPod working. I feel so productive.
sorta.
The summer is slowing down, like I knew it would, but it's not as boring as i'd anticipated. Just... calm.
Question: If everything we see is so vast, what lies beyond? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: sleeping til you are truly rested
Abby and Adam were here earlier. Oh, and I finally got speakers on my computer. and my iPod working. I feel so productive.
sorta.
The summer is slowing down, like I knew it would, but it's not as boring as i'd anticipated. Just... calm.
Question: If everything we see is so vast, what lies beyond? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: sleeping til you are truly rested
Sunday
Being a teenager is dumb. And being 14 is the same as being 13. still dumb, if not moreso.
I don't exactly know what to do with myself.
I could scream
or i could cry
or i could run to my friend completely flustered
or all three combined
i have never felt so confused, or jumbled, or completely out of control. it's extremely obnoxious.
this has been a particularly memorable birthday. I got an ipod, swore at it, and figured out how to work it. I was extremely proud and happy for it.
apparently i was immensely neglectful. I had family obligations and a graduation open house. I apologize to Amanda, Sean, Nik, and whoever else is upset with me.
I want to sleep now.
Is that okay with everyone?
I don't exactly know what to do with myself.
I could scream
or i could cry
or i could run to my friend completely flustered
or all three combined
i have never felt so confused, or jumbled, or completely out of control. it's extremely obnoxious.
this has been a particularly memorable birthday. I got an ipod, swore at it, and figured out how to work it. I was extremely proud and happy for it.
apparently i was immensely neglectful. I had family obligations and a graduation open house. I apologize to Amanda, Sean, Nik, and whoever else is upset with me.
I want to sleep now.
Is that okay with everyone?
i feel so loved today.
and i got the coolest presents ever. an ipod, an opal necklace, a huge dreamcatcher, and a cactus. In addition to my cds. I have the coolest sisters.
I hate Macintosh. They have to make everything complex and confusing.so, i have a 6-pin firewire input put no firewire port. okay, so then they gave me a 6 pin to 4 pin firewore adapter. okay, that really helps. I have no four pin. [sizzles up in frustration] i have a USB port. but apparently, it's not 2.0. I need some weird 1.1 to 4 pin to 6 pin adapter.
[damn you bill gates]
i'm having a good day, thus far. I've seen and done pretty much everything i wanted to. Now I just have abby-chill time and karens open house and maybe some mp3 uploading.
I have nothing insightful to say.
Question: Why are there 5 different types of vibrate on my cell phone? ;) [think about it]
Simple pleasure: being loved
and i got the coolest presents ever. an ipod, an opal necklace, a huge dreamcatcher, and a cactus. In addition to my cds. I have the coolest sisters.
I hate Macintosh. They have to make everything complex and confusing.so, i have a 6-pin firewire input put no firewire port. okay, so then they gave me a 6 pin to 4 pin firewore adapter. okay, that really helps. I have no four pin. [sizzles up in frustration] i have a USB port. but apparently, it's not 2.0. I need some weird 1.1 to 4 pin to 6 pin adapter.
[damn you bill gates]
i'm having a good day, thus far. I've seen and done pretty much everything i wanted to. Now I just have abby-chill time and karens open house and maybe some mp3 uploading.
I have nothing insightful to say.
Question: Why are there 5 different types of vibrate on my cell phone? ;) [think about it]
Simple pleasure: being loved
Saturday
creator of dreams just dream me a dream
for a dream is a dream, or a dream is a scene
of indulgence of fantasies so spectacular is their magick
so wondrous a magick to a dream to imagine
imagine a life with no color or sound,
no way to be hurt, nor possibly found
for imagines a bubble no less then it's gone
untouchable feeling like the heart of a song
sonnet me, manipulation comes easy
i'm on top of the world but it's suddenly breezy
and i'm falling, i'm falling, faster then stars
that you caught with a wish, and locked behind bars
the bars of a dream that crumble so quick
reality will do that but your of a sharp wit
so you obviously know what the world does not
off go the ideas to a place where they'll rot
in a far away place where dreams go to die,
send a package perfect feeling and there it will lie
oh creator of dreams just dream me a dream
for a dream is a dream, and a dream's what i need
- from neda's od. don't know if she wrote it. just knew it belonged here too. deserves recognition.
for a dream is a dream, or a dream is a scene
of indulgence of fantasies so spectacular is their magick
so wondrous a magick to a dream to imagine
imagine a life with no color or sound,
no way to be hurt, nor possibly found
for imagines a bubble no less then it's gone
untouchable feeling like the heart of a song
sonnet me, manipulation comes easy
i'm on top of the world but it's suddenly breezy
and i'm falling, i'm falling, faster then stars
that you caught with a wish, and locked behind bars
the bars of a dream that crumble so quick
reality will do that but your of a sharp wit
so you obviously know what the world does not
off go the ideas to a place where they'll rot
in a far away place where dreams go to die,
send a package perfect feeling and there it will lie
oh creator of dreams just dream me a dream
for a dream is a dream, and a dream's what i need
- from neda's od. don't know if she wrote it. just knew it belonged here too. deserves recognition.
So. Today is saturday. Tomorrow will be sunday. What of it to say?
My mom is going on a lets-remodel-the-house spree. She is painting, sanding, and carpeting. Well, I take that back, she's painting. "Dave" is sanding. "Bob" is installing the carpet. :) The carpet reminds me of the school's carpet. I like it.
Thank Allah for Sean. I was sitting here, drained mentally, so I threw in the Best of Hendrix mix he burned for me, and all of a sudden I have all these thoughts, questions and pictures swirling in my mind. I wish I weren't a gen x kid. Nothing here is genuine or makes logical sense. Well, I'm here now. Let's make the best of it :)
It feels like summer started for us. As soon as we stepped out of school, the sun was radiant, the birds had a new energy, and everything was alive. For once in such a long time, the sky was blue, and the cumulus clouds were white. it was just about
picture perfect.
walking home with sean and abby, knowing that we were done with one of the most immature, pointless, in-between years of our short, but sweet lives. amanda would've liked it.
Well, I have a good shot at getting portable music soon [thank allah again] Tomorrow is my birthday, and if my mom got it, [i know jenna helped :)] then i could be getting an mp3 player. woot.
peace love and good riddance to all of you all.
question: what do you appreciate more than anything? [think about it]
simple pleasure: headbanging til your neck is sore
My mom is going on a lets-remodel-the-house spree. She is painting, sanding, and carpeting. Well, I take that back, she's painting. "Dave" is sanding. "Bob" is installing the carpet. :) The carpet reminds me of the school's carpet. I like it.
Thank Allah for Sean. I was sitting here, drained mentally, so I threw in the Best of Hendrix mix he burned for me, and all of a sudden I have all these thoughts, questions and pictures swirling in my mind. I wish I weren't a gen x kid. Nothing here is genuine or makes logical sense. Well, I'm here now. Let's make the best of it :)
It feels like summer started for us. As soon as we stepped out of school, the sun was radiant, the birds had a new energy, and everything was alive. For once in such a long time, the sky was blue, and the cumulus clouds were white. it was just about
picture perfect.
walking home with sean and abby, knowing that we were done with one of the most immature, pointless, in-between years of our short, but sweet lives. amanda would've liked it.
Well, I have a good shot at getting portable music soon [thank allah again] Tomorrow is my birthday, and if my mom got it, [i know jenna helped :)] then i could be getting an mp3 player. woot.
peace love and good riddance to all of you all.
question: what do you appreciate more than anything? [think about it]
simple pleasure: headbanging til your neck is sore
Friday
Today made it feel like it was really summer. I slept in til say, one? who cares. Biked over to Amanda's and and swam. all day. with megan, nell, sean, and amanda.
i love headbanging
to chop suey
with sean and amanda.
:)
so now, i'm sitting in amanda's room, listening to music and eating popcorn.
why even go back to school?
I say we all boycott.
no child left behind my ass. i'm sitting down and you can't make me move. Bush himself would have to come all the way to Minnesota with his "cute-old-man-in-jeans-body" and make me. and in which case...
i won't go into detail.
you fill it all in.
i like the summer. i have a promising feeling
oh, and for old times sake, i'll throw in nik. His team made it to the state tournament, which, coincidentally, is at the lindbergh, so i'm gonna go cheer him on.
enough said.
for now
question: defind conform and define confomity. to yourself. [think about it]
simple pleasure: guiltless laziness
i love headbanging
to chop suey
with sean and amanda.
:)
so now, i'm sitting in amanda's room, listening to music and eating popcorn.
why even go back to school?
I say we all boycott.
no child left behind my ass. i'm sitting down and you can't make me move. Bush himself would have to come all the way to Minnesota with his "cute-old-man-in-jeans-body" and make me. and in which case...
i won't go into detail.
you fill it all in.
i like the summer. i have a promising feeling
oh, and for old times sake, i'll throw in nik. His team made it to the state tournament, which, coincidentally, is at the lindbergh, so i'm gonna go cheer him on.
enough said.
for now
question: defind conform and define confomity. to yourself. [think about it]
simple pleasure: guiltless laziness
Thursday
So summer is here. What do you think?
I think I'm gonna like this :) I think that despite everything that I feared, the good is going to heavily outweigh it. Smackdown. I slept til 2:32 today. Then, I just layed around at Abby's til we decided to go get chinese. And tonight, we're going to a movie. On Thursday, at midnight.
Hell yeah.
And I'm talking to people that I never talked to during the school year. That's always nice, right? Summer changes everything. Especially your existing relationships. You always think it'll change the little ones. Yet, the biggest take the biggest change. So, I'm interested to see how this'll go :)
Last night was a lot of fun though. I spent the majority of the day with Sean, Abby, Amanda, and Brian. It was just awesome.
Abby and Sean are a few of my newest found heroes. Yesterday during the game and otherwise, I found out how much they really mean to me. They're right up there with Amanda.
I have jittery thoughts, alternative music and nothing of importance to say.
In complete, full, undeniable honesty: Amanda, Abby, Sean, I love you. More than you know.
happy summer to you all
Question: How are you going to make this summer great? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Good memories
I think I'm gonna like this :) I think that despite everything that I feared, the good is going to heavily outweigh it. Smackdown. I slept til 2:32 today. Then, I just layed around at Abby's til we decided to go get chinese. And tonight, we're going to a movie. On Thursday, at midnight.
Hell yeah.
And I'm talking to people that I never talked to during the school year. That's always nice, right? Summer changes everything. Especially your existing relationships. You always think it'll change the little ones. Yet, the biggest take the biggest change. So, I'm interested to see how this'll go :)
Last night was a lot of fun though. I spent the majority of the day with Sean, Abby, Amanda, and Brian. It was just awesome.
Abby and Sean are a few of my newest found heroes. Yesterday during the game and otherwise, I found out how much they really mean to me. They're right up there with Amanda.
I have jittery thoughts, alternative music and nothing of importance to say.
In complete, full, undeniable honesty: Amanda, Abby, Sean, I love you. More than you know.
happy summer to you all
Question: How are you going to make this summer great? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Good memories
Tuesday
I feel icky. Like, I wanna throw up icky. But I'm having a lot of fun watching Jenna try to teach John how to skank
My family r0x0rz sometimes
She's gonna give him a heart attack, though
Well, the eighth grade year is coming to an end. And I, for one, feel the need to reflect.
things that happened or i accomplished
good grades
acquired new friends
kept some old
found myself a little bit more
delved deeper into music
wrote less angsty poetry
got really obsessed with photography
made some relationships
lost some
advanced in softball
and skiing
shyed away from the all black [gray:)]
learned to love
continued to hate
So much more.
But I'm thinking about it, and I realized. Nine months ago, I didn't know Abby. Or Sean. Or Nik. And now, it feels like they, among others, are some of the largest parts of my life. Despite some obvious ups and downs of every relationship previously stated, it feels like life without them is wrong.
Funny.
Nine months ago, Jenna was just my sister. Now, she's one of my best friends. I feel nerdy for saying that. Yet proud.
I have the coolest big sister. So fuck you. Don't laugh at me :)
Tune in tomorrow to catch the goodness of summer.
Question: How have you changed? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Moonlit walks
My family r0x0rz sometimes
She's gonna give him a heart attack, though
Well, the eighth grade year is coming to an end. And I, for one, feel the need to reflect.
things that happened or i accomplished
good grades
acquired new friends
kept some old
found myself a little bit more
delved deeper into music
wrote less angsty poetry
got really obsessed with photography
made some relationships
lost some
advanced in softball
and skiing
shyed away from the all black [gray:)]
learned to love
continued to hate
So much more.
But I'm thinking about it, and I realized. Nine months ago, I didn't know Abby. Or Sean. Or Nik. And now, it feels like they, among others, are some of the largest parts of my life. Despite some obvious ups and downs of every relationship previously stated, it feels like life without them is wrong.
Funny.
Nine months ago, Jenna was just my sister. Now, she's one of my best friends. I feel nerdy for saying that. Yet proud.
I have the coolest big sister. So fuck you. Don't laugh at me :)
Tune in tomorrow to catch the goodness of summer.
Question: How have you changed? [think about it]
Simple Pleasure: Moonlit walks